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Good afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen - My name is Charles. I've tried to memorise this speech, but forgive me if I resort to my notes every five seconds. I did ask for an autocue to be set up in front of me, but apparently the wedding budget doesn't stretch that far. And, unfortunately, neither does my eyesight.
I've known Steven for 22 years now and we've had more good times than I can remember - and we'd have had a one more if I hadn't run out of money in that strip cub on the other night. During this period, I’ve seen Steven go through many evolutionary changes to end up the man he is today. And in order to understand exactly what went wrong, we must start by examining his early goals in life.
At school, Steven had two goals:
1) To play for the school baseball (cricket) team – which he did. In fact, his prowess was legendary and he single-handedly rewrote the school record books - shortest time at bat (in bat), most catches dropped and most unforced errors in a single game (wides bowled in an over). The list is endless.
2) To star in a school play – and his first opportunity came with the school’s major production of “Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs”, in which Steven was cast as one of the dwarfs. And very soon, he had made the part his own. From the outset, he personified his role day and night, living and breathing the essence of his character. And many say they’ve never since seen a more virtuoso performance of Dopey.
After leaving school, Steven’s goal was to travel the world. But he only got as far as New Zealand, where we all new it would suit him down to the ground. What with the sun, sea, surf and, of course, the biggest draw of them all – the sheep.
On his return, his goal was to land a job in a bank because they had the two things he liked best: money and holidays. But if it hadn’t been for me it might never have happened. When applying for the job he asked me to give his application form a quick once over before he sent it off. It was a good thing he did. Where he was asked, ‘Length of residence at present address,’ he had replied, ‘About 20 meters – not counting the garage.
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"Humorous Wedding Speech by a Friend of the Groom (Bridegroom)." 123HelpMe.com. 17 Sep 2019
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